A punchy and practical column exploring self-awareness, relationships, and the subconscious dynamics secretly running our lives because what you can mention, you can manage. Written by status-quo avoidant writer, communication nerd, and master life coach Alyssa Patmos (soon-to-be Alyssa Kulesa).
what else could it mean?
What else could it mean?Pre-P.S. You're reading day 21 of my 32 days of insights, inspiration, and instigation. (Very informal title). Get the full scoop here. โจ |
"I don't know which way to tell the story." "Do I reveal what I was thinking, or do we keep them in the dark with suspense?" These are the types of questions littering my mind like scooters litter city streets as I've been drafting the script for my wedding ceremony this week (the countdown has reached single digits now ๐). Like photography, the lens you pick changes the focus of the scene. And there's always more than one lens to choose from. For example, the main character in my book could experience a tense scene with her wildly handsome but seriously addicted to work husband in any number of ways: "And then he walked out of the room, leaving me on the couch thinking he'd decided the conversation was over." --- "And then he walked out of the room, his steps already diffusing the tension." -- "And then he walked out of the room. My heart started to race as I felt the familiar pangs of abandonment, wondering when he'd come back. Previous me would have followed him to the room. But this version of me, the one who's aware of her nervous system, remembered to breathe. In... 2, 3, 4; Out... 2, 3, 4." How we perceive a situation kickstarts a chain of reactions and responses that can end in wildly different outcomes depending on the initial lens we took. That's why I love to ask, "What else can this mean?" when I start to notice myself feeling defensive. Our minds lie to us all the time. They love to come up with one meaning for a situation and run away with the storyline until we're convinced that what happened had to mean that one thing. There's rarely only one way to tell a story, though. By asking, "What else can this mean?" we allow ourselves to explore other explanations for behavior, thus allowing for more compassion, understanding, and connection. Our gut instinct is to take most things personally, but other people's behavior often has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. The first story or explanation your mind comes up with doesn't mean it's the truth. What else might it mean? xx, Alyssa |
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Love this email? Forward it to a friend and wait for their thank you to roll in. ๐ The Peel: Fresh perspectives on the layers of life with Alyssa Patmos soon-to-be Alyssa Kulesa. ๐ง
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Make it Mentionable
Alyssa Kulesa
A punchy and practical column exploring self-awareness, relationships, and the subconscious dynamics secretly running our lives because what you can mention, you can manage. Written by status-quo avoidant writer, communication nerd, and master life coach Alyssa Patmos (soon-to-be Alyssa Kulesa).
Hey Reader, I feel a little bit nervous as I let my fingertips brush over my pink keyboard for the first time in what feels like eternity. Anyone who teaches about "building an email list" will tell you A) not to ghost your list for 7 months and B) certainly not to announce you have ghosted them for 7 months upon return. Now that I've done both of those things we can get back to the meat of this email. First, hi. If you're opening this to either 1). remember who the hell I am or 2). because...
Planes, presence, and freshly squeezed orange juice Pre-P.S. You're reading day 25 of my 32 days of insights, inspiration, and instigation. (Very informal title). Get the full scoop here. โจ We made it to Chicago yesterday! After 16 hours of travel, one better-than-usual but still not great airplane meal, three episodes of The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling, two episodes of Queen Charlotte, 1 hour waiting for our bags, and 45 minutes in a taxi, we stepped foot into our swanky hotel overlooking...
Screw the swear jar; pay someone a quarter every time you say this instead Pre-P.S. You're reading day 22 of my 32 days of insights, inspiration, and instigation. (Very informal title). Get the full scoop here. โจ I've decided to avoid learning "should" in Spanish. Our house has no swear jar (it'd be full real fast). Instead of policing swear words, we've banned the word "should" from our conversations. So there's really no point in me learning it in Spanish. Should is a far more damaging word...