Espresso Martinis and Word Salads

Pre-P.S. You're reading day 17 of my 32 days of insights, inspiration, and instigation. (Very informal title). Get the full scoop here. ✨

"Do you want an espresso martini?"

Surprised by the question, I looked across the table at Geoff to gauge his reaction.

"My boss is offering one to each of you on the house," the bartender continued, clearly picking up on our confusion.

I chuckled to myself because I get more free drinks when Geoff is with me than when I was single.

"Sure! I'd love one if you can make it decaf," I responded cheerfully in my ever-improving broken Spanish.

Fun fact: You can order a decaf espresso martini in many places as long as they're using real espresso when making it.

A few minutes later, the bartender returned carrying two small displays resembling miniature luggage carts with our drinks in the center.

Delighted by the presentation, we snapped this photo.

The way these drinks were served instantly sparked more conversation and made us both smile.

The topic of conversation while sipping the espresso martinis? Our wedding ceremony—an event where every word is packed with meaning, so the presentation matters.

There's a big difference between:

"[Name], do you take [name], to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife to have and to hold from this day forward for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part?"

and,

"[Name], are you ready to welcome [name] as your wife?"

Or,

"[Name], do you take [name] to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife to have and to hold, to love and to cherish until death or aliens do you part?"

Word choice is also a powerful shaper of experience.

One of the easiest things to do in the world is to talk.

One of the hardest things to do is communicate.

Communication implies that shared meaning has been made, but getting to mutual understanding can be more difficult than accurately predicting Denver weather patterns because while a portion of communication happens at the conscious level, a significant percentage also occurs at the unconscious level.

An energetic exchange happens in conversation, not just a verbal one.

Words, like food presentation, make us feel things.

There's a big difference when we say, "How could you have forgotten the milk again?" instead of, "I'm curious why you forgot to pick up the milk?"

The thing about presentation is it takes time.

Sprinkling cocoa powder on top of the light espresso foam, sticking a square of chocolate to the side of the glass, and adding three espresso beans takes extra care.

Going line by line through a wedding script instead of using the traditional language takes time.

It's often easier to go with the default because it takes less time--you don't have to think about it; you just react.

You have to appreciate the outcome of the presentation to be willing to contribute the extra time.

Restaurants know that delight leads to better relationships with their patrons.

Similarly, paying attention to our words leads to better connection and more intimacy in relationships.

Recognizing the difference presentation makes is easy because it's felt.

Remembering to adjust our presentation is a different story—especially when we get triggered and start to feel defensive or righteous.

Words have power. How are you serving them?

xx,
Alyssa

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The Peel: Fresh perspectives on the layers of life with Alyssa Patmos soon-to-be Alyssa Kulesa. 🧅
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